Leaders: Say Less

One of the double-edged swords with blogging is that it is a written form of communication in the public sphere, and it is simultaneously a fairly spontaneous form of communication.  We can all write whatever we want on our own blogs and any blog accepting comments, at any time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

On our own blogs, we can go back and edit, or if we object to editing, write lengthy follow-up posts clarifying or changing our positions.  On blogs that don't belong to us, once we make a comment, it is out of our hands and continues to live on the internet for as long as the blog author feels the blog should exist.  I say this is a double-edged sword because it is indeed both a "blessing and a curse."

On one hand, we can regret something we say and not have the control necessary to go back and make it right.  On the other hand, it can also be a record of our growth, our changing thoughts, and most importantly, *what was really said.*

Last spring, I walked into the center of a heated debate on a blog.  Though I tend to process information through conversation, I also often prefer to do so in small gatherings of company rather than in the public sphere.  For this reason, I am usually fairly careful about what I say out loud while trying to make sense of things.  I definitely didn't mean to end up in the center of the debate, to say the least.

Once I said what I said in this particular blog debate, however, the focus shifted to me and my arguments, and I couldn't extricate myself.  I was in the center.  The blogger wrote what I felt was a scathing post in response to my comments.  At the time, I was hurt.  I felt what I said had been misconstrued.  I felt false assumptions had been made about me.  I felt misunderstood, misrepresented, and humiliated.  I felt like I'd received a verbal lashing...and I still felt *right*!

I tried to respond, but my comment ended up being too long.  I hadn't saved it, so I couldn't paste it into my own blog and post a comment on the other blog with the link.  I thought about writing it again on my own blog, but my energy had been sapped, and I decided to just be done.

Some things really are best left unsaid.

Something a close friend mentioned to me today reminded me of the debate, and I had a tiny temptation to email her a link to my "lashing" to show her how terribly I'd been treated (Who me?  Licking wounds?!).  I knew that was something of a triangulation-type response to hurt feelings, though, so I decided not to give into temptation.  Instead, tonight I got online and pulled up my original comments and the response post.

You know what?  What had been said wasn't unfair.  It was super harsh, maybe even a tad unkind, but it wasn't unfair.  There was something I needed to learn from the rebuke that had been offered, and it wasn't until my feelings weren't so raw that I was able to see it.

When I read the response again, I found it a well-reasoned set of arguments.  I didn't agree with everything said, but I could understand why the blogger had come to the conclusions she had and why she felt so strongly about them.  In one or two cases, the arguments she made were in fact stronger than my own, and the points she made more important.  In other words, in at least a thing or two that I had said originally, I was wrong.

Thank goodness my response to the blogger's response was rejected by her blogging program as being too long.  It would have sounded defensive and fearful.  If I wanted to write a new response now (I don't!  I've moved on to other debates LOL), it would be a more knowledgeable, more thoughtful, more complete and better reasoned response because of the things the blogger had said. This is a good reminder for me in my relationship with my congregation.

Good leadership, to me, is in large part, deep listening.

In the church, there can be a lot at stake.  Liturgical issues, theological questions, budget decisions, staffing matters...the list goes on.  Religious leaders are bound to feel strongly about a thing or two!  We could, of course, through the sheer brilliance of our arguments demand the solidarity of others...win people over to our points of view.  Surely then, if everyone did things exactly our way, the church could be saved, the people of the congregation all the better for it.  Right?!

Perhaps.

But that is not the kind of leadership to which we are called in the religious setting.  In the religious setting, leaders nourish discernment in people of faith.  Discernment is fostered through the thoughtful back and forth that occurs when a leader says, "what is so urgent that we cannot slow down and truly hear one another?"  Discernment is fostered by leaders who do not allow themselves to be seen as the "go-to answer people."

Leadership is not lawyership.  Winning people over isn't a sign of good ministry.  In fact, you don't have all the answers and nor should you.  Leaders: say less and less frequently.  God can't be heard when your own voice is doing all the talking.

On Economy and Church Part III: Who Among You Is In Need?

This is part of an ongoing exploration of the economy and church.  To see part II, where I cover some fundamentals of American economics and the current American economic condition (some of which may be applicable in some form outside of the United States) click here. 

Let's now talk a little about "class."

First, the "knowns."  My source(s) here is not a primary source and is six-years-old, by the way, but my blogging practice is to post sources if (1) they are either primary or can be backed up by primary sources if I took the time to do so, and (2) most of what is said in the source still applies at the time I am posting it.  Here is some of what we know about class, as outlined in a 2005 New York Times series called "Class Matters."  I especially recommend that first full article in the list.

1. There is a class system in the United States.
2. The "American Dream" of upward class mobility is more dream than reality.
3. Upward class mobility is declining such that my generation became the first generation that will probably and almost uniformly make equal amounts or less than our parents, unlike the generations that have come before us for quite some time.
4. The chasm between rich and poor is indeed growing.

Now let me add to the above list the following, all of which I have not yet but at some point I hope to come back and backup with sources.  In the meantime, I think some of the videos in part II of this series are good starting sources.

1. Consumer debt is rampant among all classes.  In fact, in some cases it may be how we Americans have tried to equalize ourselves among class levels (just compare average house sizes from 1950 to 2004).
2. Lenders have historically preyed on folks in vulnerable positions.
3. Across the country, individual rates of debt have far exceeded our rate of savings.

Okay, so let's consider the above in relation to the economic state with which our country has been struggling for a few years, most of which is talked about regularly on the nightly news.  Consider this:

1. In many areas of the United States, unemployment is still a big problem.
2. Even in places where there are jobs, economic contractions from the recession have not lifted.  People who have jobs are often working fewer hours, at lower rates of pay, for fewer benefits, with reduced levels of compensation for costs such as health insurance. 
3. Despite some loan modifications, for the most part, the great many people who have jobs but who are working fewer hours, at lower rates of pay, for fewer benefits, with reduced levels of compensation still have their pre-recession mortgages or close to pre-recession rental costs.  They also have greater health care costs (not only have benefits lowered, but prices have continued to increase).  And the cost of food is up.  So as a whole, we are trying to stretch less into more.
4. Folks are shouldering these burdens on top of their high rates of consumer debt and low rates of savings. 

In our congregations, we must sustain our commitment to those most vulnerable among us.  This is even more true now than it ever was, as the poorest folks got hit the fastest in the economic troubles of recent years, and in many cases the hardest.  Social programs, meanwhile, that help folks when money doesn't cover the basics (food banks, utility assistance programs, and so forth), have in many cases a decreased level of funding since Americans have had to tighten our belts more collectively.  So the resources for those in greatest need are stretched even more thin at a time when they are more needed.  That's not new news, but it continues to be critical news.

Making our responsibilities even greater, in addition to that, there is an emerging need among a whole new group.  This need is found in the middle class folks, especially the lower-middle class folks, who have gotten themselves in over their heads with house payments and so forth that they can't support with post-recession levels of income and inflated costs of living.  Even if our country recovers and we can eventually return to the "status quo" (which I questioned in part II of this series), it may very well take years.  Though the need is probably less urgent than among the "working class," the suffering is largely silent.  The reasons for this include:

1. The problem surfaced in part as the result of high debt levels, and people feel ashamed.  While high debt levels have never been part of good financial management, the truth is that what seemed to be reasonable debt to the majority of Americans five or six years ago no longer seems reasonable.  Consider the mortgages some of us were willing to pay (hey, even me just back in 2007, which is after the "bubble" started to burst).
2. Because the issues are so entwined with debt for this particular class level, these are people who are not qualifying for the safety nets available to the "working class."  Until they lose their jobs, despite lower incomes than pre-recession and higher costs, they can't get foodstamps, their children don't qualify for free or reduced lunch programs at school, they won't likely receive utility assistance even when the power is turned off or the oil company refuses to deliver, and the food banks may not serve folks from their zip codes.

There is a lot of shame and regret tied up in the struggle of a declining middle class right now.  It is entirely possible that without anyone else knowing it:

• A committed, pledging single member or family (with or without children) of your church has bounced checks trying to make a pledge payment.
• Someone you know in a middle class profession is skipping lunch to make sure their kids can have dinner.
• A seemingly middle class family in your church has had the electricity or heat turned off or nearly turned off sometime in the last month, and fears CPS would be called regarding their children if anyone finds out.
• A parent you know in the so-called middle class isn't eating fruits and vegetables (is putting their own nutrition at risk) in order to ensure that produce is available for their children.
• Someone in a middle class neighborhood near you (maybe even your own) is calling the water company to make payment arrangements this month so they can afford to pay enough of the natural gas bill that it won't be turned off.  Meanwhile, they haven't paid the phone company in two months and are waiting for the inevitable cancelation notice.

I realize, of course, that folks spent more money on "Black Friday" than expected, and that we're all supposed to feel good that this means the above issues are unlikely as we continue our so-called economic "recovery."  But I've seen enough suffering going on with folks I know and love to trust "Black Friday" as a good indicator.  I also think our spending shows an unfortunate willingness to return to the status quo, to continue increasing our debt at the first signs of economic recovery.  This isn't a good sign.  This is a sign of more and greater trouble to come.

If I am right, what does this mean for us as a people of faith?

"Sympathy is our strongest instinct"

I think this video gets really interesting around the 2 minute and 50 second mark.  I am looking forward to exploring this very soon in a newsletter column or sermon.

It's worth watching, religious leaders.  Pay special attention to what is said at the 4 minute and 30 second mark, and then consider possible implications for religious leaders in the church context.  What do you think?

Religious Leaders...Watch This!

Why I Can't Wait To Be An Usher

Good ushering is church leadership.  Most people don't think of it that way, but it is.  Ushers are spiritual leaders in the church by modeling religious hospitality.  Ushers can really set the tone of a church.

While I am taking a break from my professional work in the church to attend grad school, one of the things that I am looking forward to doing in the church I attend is ushering.  When I say I am looking forward to it, what I mean is that I am doing a happy dance about it.

Why?  Here are some reasons, both semi-silly and serious:

1.  I won't know anybody, and I will want to get to know them.  Ushering is an easy way to come to know the church regulars, and a good way to meet the not-so-regulars.  Within a few months, I may not know everyone's names, but I will know whose names I "should" know (this way I don't have to worry so much about accidentally introducing myself to someone I've met five times already).

2.  Ushering isn't labor intensive in the least, and yet it is high reward. 

3.  Ushering doesn't require a longterm commitment like many volunteer jobs, and since I know I am going to be overcommited in school, I am eager for a way to contribute my volunteer time to a church without getting myself in over my head.

4.  Ushering will help me achieve my goal of being one of those people who has laugh lines in the mix of her wrinkles.  Smiling is good for me.  I am glad for the opportunity to be forced to spend a half hour stretch on Sunday morning just smiling away.

5.  There is no view of the congregation that replaces that of the viewpoint of the usher. 

Can I make a suggestion?  I think everyone should usher -- even ministers, music directors, and religious educators, every now and then.  It is true that not all ushers are leaders, but all leaders should sometimes be ushers. 

On Economy and Church Part II: Some Fundamentals For the Conversation

Click here for part I of this blog series on economy and church. 

In part one of this blog series, I referenced an economic "Crash Course" website.  In this post and probably other posts that follow, I am going to include some videos from that site because talking about the economy and church requires a foundational understanding of what is happening economically beyond our awareness that we are still trying to recover from a recession that has been hard to shake, and we're all feeling a little vulnerable and unsure. 

I want to say that I recognize that in referencing this particular "Crash Course," I'm using a reference point with some particular assumptions behind it.  However, I think the author of the "Crash Course" does a pretty good job at distinguishing between facts, beliefs, and opinions as he states is his goal in the first video.   I also think the "Crash Course" is the most accessible explanation and history of the United States economy for non-economists available, which is the primary reason I use it as my reference. 

The "Crash Course" website consists of twenty very short videos that are as short as one minute and 46 seconds to no longer than twenty minutes.  The entire course is 3 hours and 20 minutes long, and I think this subject is important enough to call upon that length of time, whether by short spurts or sitting down with the videos for an evening.

However, knowing that we need some common information right now on which to base this conversation, I am going to include some of the video segments here and hope that the lack of context won't unnecessarily confuse the issues.

First a couple of the fundamentals of what our congregations are facing in terms of a massively shifting economy.  If you don't have a lot of time, and feel pretty confident about your knowledge level regarding assets and debt, I'd say it starts to get most interesting around the eight-minute mark:


I show that video first because those are not unfamiliar economic realities, especially given the economic strains of the last couple of years.  Somewhat more vague for most of us are the concepts related to the intersection of energy and economics.  It takes "Crash Course" author Chris Martenson seventeen chapters to work up to them, but these concepts may be some of the most important:


Around the five-minute and twenty-second mark in the video above, Chris Martenson makes a particularly heart-wrenching educated prediction.  He says: "The status quo will be preserved at all costs.  Politicians will hide the truth, economic statistics will become even fuzzier, and central banks will continue to throw more and more money at a system that at its core is out of tune with reality."

I want to stop here for a minute and say that it was in October 2008 when Chris Martenson completed the "Crash Course" series.  However, I believe I first was introduced to the series in 2007, before its completion, and only in what seemed like the early phases of the recession.  By that time, Mr. Martenson had apparently been giving workshops and working on the course for several years.  I've been stunned but unsurprised to watch President Obama, a president who had my vote and who continues to have my general support, do exactly what was predicted in his response to what some call "the great recession."  That is, he has maintained the status quo at all costs.  Again and again.  ("Quantitative easing" anyone?)  I do not believe this would have been any different with any other politician in the office, nor do I believe it will be any different with any politician who comes after him. 

What we are facing is the possibility of deep change:


My basic question is, if there is even a 50-50 chance that such a change is occurring under our feet, what is our religious and moral call to the people in our congregations, our communities, and the world?  Who are we called to be at this turning point in history?  And how can we actually survive to live out that call?

Haven't We All Heard Enough About Church Websites: The Discussion

Thanks so much to all who engaged in the conversation about church websites.  We definitely all had different sensibilities about website content.  That said, while people will always have varying needs and interests in a website, establishing general trends is useful.

I'd argue that congregations that want to remain vibrant should consider tracking those trends particularly as they relate to "upcoming generations..." because in terms of technological stuff, often the trendsetters tend to be younger, and older generations eventually fall in (think Facebook).

Based on the discussion sparked by part II of this series of blog posts, if I was going to summarize suggestions for someone looking to design or redesign their website, I would say:

1. Photos of people are absolutely key. Especially of ministers and staff but also "candid ones" from church activities or worship. We all agree on that.

2. Sermons are important. Posting just a few of the best ones is useful. Posts should include text. Additional audio (or video) is helpful for those who like what they read and want to follow it with audio or share it in audio.

I still argue that more and more with people my age and younger, the audio and video will be important.

3. Go ahead and include your calendar if you would like, but be sure on your homepage to highlight what is happening with "happening this month" type lists that include the highlights.

Prioritize keeping calendars and lists updated so that newcomers don't ask about that book group, etc. only to find out it is defunct. People want to know what you are really doing.

4. Folks say that they really like to have congregational business online. I will not sway from my position that this stuff is more appropriately placed online somewhere other than your billboard for the world (website). However, as evidenced in this conversation, people do feel it is important to have this stuff online, so by all means, put it somewhere...I recommend private or public blogs, google docs, Constant Contact, etc. A single "congregational business" link should suffice if you want to link it from your website. Link to directories, password protected, if you need to, but I hope you will consider whether there are alternatives.

5. Know yourself well enough to keep your "headlines" clear in that "about us" link.

Adding a Blog

I'm adding a blog to my list of blogs.  My latest blog will be tales from downsizing with children.  Just FYI:

downsizingwithkids.blogspot.com

I will of course continue posting here on all things related to religious leadership. 

Haven't We All Heard Enough About Church Websites? Part III

Here is a link to one of the church websites I've recently been admiring: UU Church of Charlotte.  Considering the amount of content they have on the site, it is easy to navigate and engaging.  I did notice today that I have to scroll the site, which I don't like, but check it out because it's pretty great.

Here's a screenshot:

So now that I've contributed my voice to the many out there calling for better church websites, I want to go back to my question, haven't we all heard enough?  Why are there still so many bad sites out there?

Here are some of my observations:

In all the churches I have been in, as either vocational staff or congregant, since the time that churches started having their own websites, I have noticed one problem that seems to be common among them, and it inevitably results in bad websites.

The problem is as follows.  A website is generally considered a one-person project, and for good reason.  While a "communications committee" or similar body can help with planning and design, one person -- a volunteer with website building experience, an administrator, and sometimes even the minister -- needs to be the webmaster.

The webmaster has to play the role of the gatekeeper.  It's a necessary function.   And yet, if the gatekeeper doesn't have enough time for the job, nothing ever gets through the gate.  No changes or improvements, and only the most minimal updates.  The most common problem I see is that churches don't ever have someone doing the job who has time for the job, or for whom that particular job is top priority.

Sure, there are plenty of other reasons for bad church websites too: lack of vision, uncertainty about whether the website is for members or for folks just learning about the church, poor graphic design, and so forth.  But I really think that all the problems would be much easier to solve if the gatekeeper was doing more than just standing in front of the gate. 

(By the way, sometimes the pressure starts to build outside the gate, so the gatekeeper opens the gate a little to relieve the pressure, and every idea the congregation has ever had comes through like a flood.  I have seen more than one church website go from fine to terrible as congregants excitedly chatter on about how great it would be to, for example, get meeting minutes up on the website, even though those really belong in another medium such as a blog, Google Docs, or something like PB Wiki.)

What are models that eliminate this challenge?  Do we have to have webmasters on staff for that purpose, or are resources like Cloversites able to take away enough of the website design challenges to provide more time for actual design?  What of these models, if any, would be sustainable in a problematic economy?

Haven't We All Heard Enough About Church Websites? Part II

So I am probably going to be moving this summer, and for the first time in ten years, I am looking for a church not for vocational reasons, but to be a member.  I'm looking at church websites with fresh eyes, and friends, it is a frustrating world (wide web) in which to be a seeker.

To be clear, I am not church shopping.  Well aside from one thing.  See, my children have been happy participants in a Spirit Play ministry now for two years, and it has made a tremendous difference in their spiritual lives. I really, really want them to have that ministry for at least another year or two. So yeah, in that way, I am shopping for a program (largely unsuccessfully I might add, since it seems the closest church with a Spirit Play ministry is about an hour's drive away).

No, I'm not church shopping, but seeking.

I am seeking a tribe. I am seeking a band of folks with whom my family can join for the next three to six years. Though three to six years is a relatively short-term prospect, it will cover the span of my children's lives all the way from ages five and six to ages eight and nine at least, if not to ages eleven and twelve.  Those years of their lives will be significant.

It's a big deal, this finding a tribe for my family thing.

Huge.

So, religious leaders, how can I say this delicately? When I visit a church website and can't find a photo of the minister or the professional staff, or real photos of real members, I can't really envision myself in the tribe, you know?

When I click on "leadership" and your website takes me to a list rather than a series of photos, I am just a hop, skip, and a jump away from closing out the window. I'm still browsing a few sites.  I don't really care what your names are yet. I want to see some faces behind all that text on your site because it is actually true that a picture is worth a thousand words.

When I click on "sermons," I need to hear something so I can imagine myself sitting amongst the other members of the tribe, hearing what you are hearing.  Better yet, I'd love a You Tube video (parceled into parts) so I can see and hear as if I was there.  This isn't a research project. I don't want to sit and read your sermons, I want to hear your voices.

And friends, I know you all want to have a photo directory on your website but can't make it public for safety reasons, but truly, those "for members" links and password protected parts of your site that I stumble upon so easily communicate to me that I am an outsider. Even though I totally understand the reasons you do it, I find that somehow it still feels terribly uninviting to me, this person who is considering bringing up her family among your people.

Calendars are similar.  Please, when I go to find out what is going on in your church, I don't want an actual calendar.  I know you've done that cool thing of actually putting links in for each calendar entry so I can click to get more information.  And truly, that's better than the way things used to be.  But it's cumbersome, it's boring, and it doesn't inspire me to imagine myself with you. 

Actually, the ever-fabulous Andover Newton Theological School provides a fantastic example of an alternative to a calendar.  Stay on their homepage for a few seconds and you will see the primary graphic on the page as a slideshow with events advertised.  Each one has a "headline" and a way to click for more info.  Then, look over to the right side of the page.  The first thing you see is "new and current."  Your eyes naturally lower and then you get "fall 2010: key dates."  Now that's the kind of thing that says, "join us."

Here's a screenshot:

Another issue is that if you can't tell me in three or four sentences who you are, I get the feeling that you don't really know, and then how can you expect me to imagine myself as one of you? Yes, I will want more information, but you would do so much better to keep the headlines clean so I can settle into your picture of words for a minute.

If you have links to your bylaws and your meeting minutes, I am like "whoah, TMI." We've just met one another. I feel like you are airing all your laundry, clean or dirty, and it blocks my view of you the people.  When I picture myself walking with you, I see myself carrying a big pile of laundry by your side. Not too inviting.  (By the way, your members rarely if ever use those links themselves, anyway, no matter how much they say they want them.)

That's actually the crux of the issue.  Are our websites invitational?  Do they inspire imaginings about joining our tribes?

We as religious leaders need to continue to revisit our websites again and again, asking ourselves these three simple questions:

1. When people visit our website, is it clear what kind of tribe they've stumbled upon?
2. Oh yeah, what kind of tribe is that? Is that an accurate reflection of the tribe we actually are?
3. What sights (photos of members and staff) and sounds (sermons) do we have on our website that help people imagine themselves walking with us?